Let’s be honest – talking about money can be stressful, awkward, or even frowned upon as being a taboo topic to bring up amongst a group of people, or even your partner. Yet, money is one of the few things that each and every single one of us have in common to deal with on a daily basis. And when living under the same roof with someone else such as your lifelong partner, figuring out how to budget and divvy up household expenses is extremely important.
Money can be one of the most common sources of tension in relationships, which could be why many people avoid discussing the money topic altogether. Differing financial backgrounds, expectations, and spending habits can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. It’s extremely unlikely that both people in a relationship will earn exactly the same amount, or spend the exact same amount. Therefore, establishing a fair and workable system for dividing expenses promotes transparency and trust, ensures both partners feel valued and respected, reduces the likelihood of financial disputes, and encourages open communication about finances.
Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution, and what matters most is finding an approach that feels equitable to both people. Let’s explore several ways on how to split household expenses with you and your significant other, and the benefits and potential drawbacks of each method.
1. 50/50 Split (Equal Division)
Description: Each partner contributes exactly half of all shared expenses (rent or mortgage, utilities, groceries, household supplies, etc.).
For example, if monthly expenses total $2,000, each person pays $1,000.
Benefits:
Simplicity: Easy to calculate and track.
Perceived fairness: Each partner pays the same dollar amount, reducing ambiguity.
Ideal for similar incomes: Works best when both partners earn roughly the same amount.
Drawbacks:
Can be inequitable if incomes differ: The partner with lower income may struggle to afford their share, leading to stress or resentment.
May discourage open conversations about money: Assumes equality without acknowledging different financial capacities.
2. Proportional (Income-Based) Split
Description: Each partner contributes to expenses based on their income. For example, if one partner earns 60% of the combined income and the other earns 40%, they pay expenses in that proportion.
For $2,000 in expenses, one pays $1,200 and the other $800.
Benefits:
More equitable for different incomes: Adjusts for financial ability, preventing one partner from being overburdened.
Encourages teamwork: Reinforces the idea that you’re working together toward shared goals.
Drawbacks:
Requires transparency about income: Both partners need to be comfortable sharing earnings details.
Potential for changing dynamics: Contributions must be recalculated if incomes shift.
Could cause discomfort if income levels are very different: The higher-earning partner may feel they are subsidizing the other, while the lower-earning partner may feel self-conscious.
3. Assigning Specific Bills
Description: Each partner is responsible for specific bills. For example, one pays the rent, and the other pays for groceries, utilities, or other recurring costs.
This division can be based on preferences, financial ability, or convenience.
Benefits:
Clarity: Each knows which bills they’re responsible for.
Flexibility: Allows for negotiation based on individual strengths or schedules.
Can be tailored to lifestyle: For instance, the partner who cooks more might cover groceries, while the other pays for household supplies.
Drawbacks:
Potential for imbalance: Without careful accounting, one partner may end up paying more than the other.
Can be complex: Requires regular check-ins to ensure fairness, especially if expenses fluctuate.
May reinforce gender or role stereotypes: If not discussed openly, can fall into traditional roles that don’t reflect personal values or abilities.
4. Joint Account for Shared Expenses
Description: Both partners deposit an agreed-upon amount into a joint bank account, from which all shared expenses are paid. Contributions can be equal or proportional to income.
Options include both partners depositing 50%, or matching income-based percentages.
Benefits:
Streamlines payments: All shared expenses come from the same account, reducing tracking and reconciliation.
Promotes teamwork and shared responsibility: Feels like a genuine partnership.
Can build savings together: The account can also be used for joint savings goals.
Drawbacks:
Loss of privacy: Both partners can see each other’s spending on shared expenses.
Requires trust and communication: Disagreements can arise about what qualifies as a shared expense.
Complexity if the relationship ends: Joint accounts can be tricky to unwind if you part ways.
5. Alternating Payments
Description: Partners take turns paying for shared expenses. For example, one pays one month’s rent, while the other pays the next month, or they alternate grocery runs.
This can work for variable or predictable expenses.
Pros:
Simple and informal: No need for precise calculations every month.
Encourages flexibility: Useful for couples who prefer a less rigid system.
Cons:
Potential for unevenness: Expenses may not be equal each time, leading to long-term imbalances unless tracked carefully.
May cause confusion: Requires good memory or diligent record-keeping to avoid disputes.
Using a simple excel spreadsheet or an app like Splitwise can help easily track household expenses and the proportion of total expenses that each person owes, keeping things transparent. Regular check ins with your partner about finances, expectations, and any changes in circumstance is important. This can be done by doing a periodic (quarterly, semi annual, or annual) review and update of your household budgeting. Your chosen method to split household expenses should be adaptable as incomes, expenses, or life situations evolve. Cultural backgrounds, past experiences, and financial goals can all influence perspectives, so consider what feels fair and comfortable to both of you. Budgeting in such a way where each person is left with a “frivolous spending” bucket is good too! You should enjoy your hard earned money at the same time. My sports cards and LEGO sets aren’t going to pay for themselves. And don’t forget to keep a bucket for everyone’s favorite expense item - emergency savings. Having a plan for unexpected expenses can prevent stress and conflict.
There is no universal “right way” to split home expenses. The best system is one that both you and your partner feel is fair, manageable, and tailored to your financial circumstances. You may find that your approach evolves over time, especially as your relationship, incomes, or household needs change. Have honest conversations and talk openly about your earnings, debts, spending habits, and financial goals. Try out a method for a few months, then reassess. It’s perfectly normal to adjust the system as needed.
Because at the end of the day, who wants to be splitting hairs over who should be paying for the bananas, houseplants, duvet cover, and toilet bowl scrubber?